Smart, Sassy, Successful, So Why Single?

I can hear you say “Yup, that’s me! (if you’re a woman! And something along those lines if you’re a guy!) So what’s the answer??”

Good question!! Let’s look at it from the ladies’ perspective to start with.

 

We all know many attractive, successful, bright women; we meet them at work, social events, business events and know plenty of single women within our own family circles too. They look great, have lots of friends, supportive families, interesting jobs and money for the nicer things in life, a car, own flat, holidays and pretty things. Yet, for them, they say there is one thing is missing. A man! A gorgeous, smart, funny, loving man who will whisk them away and complete their life. Sigh…

Maybe you know someone like that… intimately??

 

So what is it? What has gone wrong? Why does it seem everywhere you look someone, (usually younger) than you is getting married? Let’s be frank, how is it someone plainer than you, someone fatter than you and someone simpler than you, is beating you up the aisle? Yet another wedding invite and the joy of looking forward to that inevitable dreaded question from some well meaning relative or friend…’so, when are you getting married then?’ ‘don’t you want to get married?’ Or worse, they have given up asking or secretly worry you might not be into guys…

 

You do all the done things, go speed-dating with a mate, reluctantly, but bursting with curiosity sign up to online dating sites, go along to all the parties and socials you are invited to, attend work dos and family functions and networking socials up and down the country… none of it seems to work because ‘there aren’t any nice guys’ there..

 

So then you resolve to ‘forget about it’. ‘What will be, will be’ and leave fate to do what she does best. So you hibernate, chill with girlfriends, throw yourself into projects at work, anything but muster up the excitement of yet another ‘singles do’ and a wasted night out.

 

What is it though? Seriously. ‘Where are all the decent men hiding?’ Why do those who may be ‘potentials’ never step up and wimp out?

‘Is it coz I is cleverer/earn more than you?’

 

Ok ladies, here it is. Let’s play a little game, just so you know where you’re at. It’s a process you need to repeat for each of the following 3 sections below.

 

Firstly, let’s confirm you are indeed Smart:

adjective having a quick intelligence (Compact Oxford English Dictionary)

Recall times in the past when you were really Smart. Just take a moment to remember what you saw, who was there? Where there any sounds can you remember at the time? How did it make you feel? Really create as real an image as you can, almost go back to that time and put yourself in your shoes once again as you recall times you were really, really Smart. As you do, notice if the thoughts make you smile, how your body position changes as you fill with self pride and how you are breathing and any other physiological shift as you recall times you felt very Smart. You may have been to college or university, have professional qualifications, have your own business, train and inspire others, know your industry, have creative skills, personal growth, keep abreast with current affairs, good general knowledge, keep up to date with celebrity gossip, think quickly, have gifts and talents you express or share, enjoy using your brain to solve, fix, figure out, create, analyse, manoeuvre, guide, direct, persuade, translate, decode …. you name it, any or some of the above or even things not mentioned here, make you Smart. Really go on and enjoy the feelings you are recreating in your body now and as you do so, squeeze your right thumb into your left palm, enjoying the images of those times you are proud of. Continue feeling good as you confirm all the times, and you can go as far back into your past as you wish to go, that you are Smart. Now, just as the intensity begins to subside, release the squeeze. Great. Shake your hands out. Check. So, you agree you are Smart, right? Good.

 

Alright, now let’s confirm you are Sassy:

adjective (sassier, sassiest)  bold and spirited; impudent (Compact Oxford English Dictionary)

Recall times in the past when you were really Sassy. Just take a moment to remember what you saw, who was there? What sounds can you remember at the time? How did it make you feel? Really create as real an image as you can, almost go back to that time and put yourself in your shoes once again as you recall times you were really, really Sassy. As you do, notice if the thoughts make you smile, how your body position changes as you fill with self pride and how you are breathing and any other physiological shift as you recall times you felt very Sassy. Recall times you showed confidence, were outgoing, up for it or at least prepared to give it a go, tried something new, creative, feminine, authentic, brave, daring, resilient, bold, outspoken, stylish, nurturing, intuitive, sociable, determined, take pride in your looks, ambitious, open minded, friendly.. all or some of the above, to some degree or other or even other similar traits not mentioned in this list, make you Sassy. Really go on and enjoy the feelings you are recreating in your body now and as you do so, squeeze your right thumb into your left palm, just as before, in the same place on your palm with the same intensity, enjoying the images of those times you are proud of. Continue feeling good as you confirm all the times, and you can go as far back into your past as you wish to go, that you are Sassy. Now, just as the intensity begins to subside, release the squeeze. Great. Shake your hands out. Check. So, you agree you are Sassy, right? Excellent.

 

Enjoying this so far? Good! Now let’s confirm you are Successful:

adjective 1 accomplishing an aim or purpose. 2 having achieved fame, wealth, or social status. (Compact Oxford English Dictionary)

Whatever your definition of success, recall times in the past when you were really Successful. Just take a moment to remember what you saw, who was there? What sounds can you remember at the time? How did it make you feel? Really create as real an image as you can, almost go back to that time and put yourself in your shoes once again as you recall times you were really, really Successful. As you do, notice if the thoughts make you smile, how your body position changes as you fill with self pride and how you are breathing and any other physiological shift as you recall times you felt very Successful. Recall times you can think of a list of goals, ambitions, dreams, achievements, accomplishments, accolades, praises, qualifications, tasks, challenges, projects, courses, accreditations, trainings or some other similar journey or feat you saw through from start to finish and were rewarded and/or recognised in some way for it, thus making you Successful. Really go on and enjoy the feelings you are recreating in your body now and as you do so, squeeze your right thumb into your left palm, just as before, in the same place on your palm with the same intensity, enjoying the images of those times you are proud of. Continue feeling good as you confirm all the times, and you can go as far back into your past as you wish to go, that you are Sassy. Now, just as the intensity begins to subside, release the squeeze. Great. Shake your hands out. Check. So you agree you are Successful too. Fab.

 

Now, Can I ask you a couple of questions? How does it feel to acknowledge you are Smart, Sassy and Successful? What was going through your head as you remembered those times and what feelings did you get in your body as you imagined them again?

The exercise was to create a ‘positive resource anchor’. Let’s check if it worked. Close your eyes in a moment and ‘fire off’ the anchor by simply squeezing your right thumb into your left palm once again, in exactly the same spot as before. Just notice for a few seconds, how that makes you feel. Go on, do it now.

 

Cool hey! What do you think of that? Brilliant! It you felt simply great just then, excellent! Hip, hip hooray! You have just created your very own portable feel good factor with no pills, paints or potions! If the feelings by the way, weren’t very strong or in fact you didn’t really see the point or connect with the exercise and didn’t really resonate, I suggest you do the process again, take a nice big breath and really enjoy the moments you recall from any time in your life when you felt smart, sassy and successful. You will get there. The stronger the feelings, by the way; the better the anchor created.

You can fire off the resource anchor any time you want to recreate feeling great! But, the anchor won’t last forever. Like anything else, it needs ‘topping up’, so whenever you are naturally feeling great, when you are laughing out loud for example, remember to press your right thumb into the palm of your left hand, just as before and that will ‘lock in’ the feeling. It’s a weird thing, but works wonderfully well. It’s a process in NLP called Anchoring and you can find out more about it by checking out our NLP Trainings, Workshops& 121 Coaching at www.farahsiddiqui.com/beinginrelationships

By the way, Guys, you can do this anchoring exercise too. Just choose 3 strong traits, such as powerful, in control, focussed or whatever it is for you, recall the event as if now & follow the process to create the anchor. Now enjoy tapping into your inner power anytime you need to.

Energy goes where attention flows. When you focus on what you do have, what you are grateful for, this moment, this time of your life, when you believe you are the co-creator of your destiny and draw into your life what you emit, you don’t expend any more energy fruitlessly searching for reasons why, and answers outside of you. This, is the first challenge and the realisation can be a revelation. Countless books have been written explaining this, advising one thing or another, the whys and wherefores… Your answers won’t be found outside of you. You have to search within yourself. If you focus on what you don’t want or don’t have, stew and stress on that and the very same universal law works to give you more of the same…

I don’t have the answer for your particular situation. No-one has. Sorry if that’s not what you wanted to hear. No-one knows you better than you. Ask yourself. However long and from wherever or however the answer is presented to you, just know that you will know that your question has been answered. Often the question is answered when the question is changed. Ask yourself better questions.

Change only comes from movement. What needs to shift? Which track has been playing over and over and needs changing? Which story had been told over and over and needs rewriting?

If the question is ‘Smart, Sassy, Successful, so why single?’ how can the script be changed? Which chapters can go? How can the ending be different? How can the discordant sound which is so painful to the heart be changed so you tune into a different wavelength for greater harmony? With a new outlook, the clouds can pass.

Tap into your resources. Access your greatness, feel in your flow and be empowered and do your most important job; being you. Accept your current status, this is your time to be single and consider all the good things it brings and make the most of it! You are perfect and whole just as you are, whether in a relationship or not. Let’s face it, anyone can be in a ‘relationship’ at anytime. Your values and beliefs make it happen or not. You have a say in your current situation. Not only that, you have your part to play in the change. Your thoughts create feelings which turn into actions and present you with the results you get. Change your thoughts, change your results.

Ask yourself better questions. Change your thoughts or your feelings, because then your perspective changes. Use your inner resources. Then, Everything in your external world Changes. Have a New Life Perspective.

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