Knowing Me, Knowing You!

One of the most important, and strangely overlooked or dismissed components to a successful relationship is knowing yourself – and being most important of all, being Authentic. We all want to impress and put our best foot forward when embarking on new connections, of course we do. We want to be liked, to be included, to be noticed and to be part of something. We do what we need to do, to fit in. So we observe what others do, and have this belief we need to be the same in order to get the same level of attention and the apparent rewards which are derived from that look or behaviour as a result. We’re all followers of fashion, aren’t we? Or is that fashion victims? Or are you a trail blazer? Hey, if the shoe fits… Where is this leading? Well, here it is. You can’t fit into any mould. You create your own unique mould. ‘Trying’ to fit or being something/someone you are not, specifically for the purpose of impressing someone else will lead to disappointment at the very least. How can you ‘be yourself’ then? Some people don’t much like themselves, yet expect others to like them! Others really don’t know themselves much at all. This is craziness!! Caught up in the busy-ness of work, commuting and city life, we rarely take time out to indulge in discovering what is actually important to us. What we enjoy, don’t enjoy, want to experience and take the time to slow down, reflect and face up to whatever we are hiding from. There is so much more to you than your job! You are not your job! To label yourself as whatever it is you do to pay the bills, is extremely limiting. Often people actually get caught up in a job or career they never expected to do or have and never envisioned for themselves and just, sort of, ‘fell into’. Years later…well, it’s that clichéd ‘mid-life crisis’ or desire for a career change or sabbatical or donning walking boots and having that gap year. That is after years of putting yourself through work you don’t really enjoy! Unless, of course, you do love what you do! This is why it is so important to know yourself and to do what suits your personality. Greater fulfilment comes from knowing this, and, yes, it could well be a lifetime’s search to find your purpose in life – but hey, a more meaningful journey, don’t you think? Start by listing what is important to you. Do this in the context of relationships, if that’s your focus, or a career if that’s your focus. These ‘Values’ underpin everything you do and are linked to the source of your emotions; happiness, frustrations, confidence, you name it! Here it is. If being in a loving relationship is your number 1 priority right now, and you are single… well, frankly, you are lying to yourself. Sorry, but something else is far more important to you and you are focusing on this other thing much more. Telling yourself a relationship is important to you, and not having it, means it actually isn’t that important to you, otherwise you would have it! What are you not facing up to or avoiding or addicted to? It might sound simplistic, that’s because it is. But hey, who said simple things were easy? Knowing yourself and your values and operating from this space instead of from behind a mask, means you present an authentic version of you, not a smokescreen. Don’t worry about not being liked for being you either! You do not know what a person is thinking and cannot control it. All you can do and are in control of, is being authentically you – with all your qualities, quirks and uniqueness. You are loveable and worthy of love and need to see yourself in this way, otherwise it will never find you or a misguided version will find you, because those are the signals you are emitting! When you say yes, mean it. When you say no, mean it. Sure we can change our mind, our beliefs, our values and at every turn, when we are naturally ourselves, we are giving the world a gift. And we all love gifts. Learn about yourself, life is what you want it to be and savour each moment. Be grateful for all you have and all you are, and know you are so much, much more. Enjoy and embrace the discoveries along the way.

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